Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
