I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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