So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What a dumb baby whore.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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