If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
