so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
