Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
