why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
