How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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