I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
