I need to stop coming to work sober
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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