just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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