we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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