you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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