I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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