you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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