I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
