she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
