The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My feet surprised me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
