i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
