she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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