When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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