He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
