shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
