Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
