my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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