He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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