i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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