And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
