community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
