I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
