i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
