i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
