Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
