how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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