saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
