Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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