I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
