Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
