so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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