hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
