I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
