They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
