I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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