As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
