Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
