is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
