If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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