um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
