I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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