white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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