i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
