he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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