A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
birth control should be required to get into college
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My dick has a subreddit
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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